BOB DAVIS ART

If Three Plus Six Equaled Eleven

If three plus six equaled eleven, would the laws of physics still hold?

Is it true that George Bush really is the worst president ever?

And if your dog could talk, would he still love you?

Look, the story took place four years ago

when I was walking down the street minding my own business

and then all of a sudden, without any warning at all,

a space ship landed not two feet in front of me,

and three men got out, and they were only 3 feet tall,

and they were covered in a light green peach fuzz.

So I reach for my .33 from the back of my truck, and I shot them.

My dog in the back of the pickup asked me, “Why did you do that?”

And he had a point. But at the time, these three green fuzzy men

sure seemed like they needed to be shot. So I did.

Since this all happened in Texas, this set off alarms

that quickly reached George Bush. And it wasn’t long

before he contacted his superiors through the Hubble telescope,

which is really a cell-phone relay station - for contacting the home planet.

And then Dick Cheney, having had to return to human form,

decided that the Supreme Court had to know the truth,

the truth of his origins, and so they had to decide the last election,

because it turned out the fate of the world was at risk.

I mean, what else could they have done? You know,

I would have made up something about equal protection

this or that too, just to save the world.

So now this election they’re prepared in advance.

And that’s why Tom Ridge says we're at Code Orange every time

the public gets suspicious of the administration's motives;

and the missing weapons of mass destruction

really wasn’t the reason we invaded Iraq.

And I know you guys are shaking your head and thinking

this can’t all be true, but it is, and I know this all happened,

because my dog told me so.