BOB DAVIS ART

 

Religion

 

 

A. Background

There are 16 religions that are the official 16 Religions of Earth. This is because the other 413 religions are cults. To be considered for inclusion in the 16 Religions of Earth a religion must meet two main criteria (plus 32 minor references):

The most recent religion to meet these criteria is Mormonism, having vanquished the Quakers in 1922.

Each of the 16 Religions of Earth are allowed 6 official "sects." New sects are put through a rigorous set of four "community trials" that include gauging the responses of the sect's elders to these four natural disasters:

It is only after the community survives the trials, at a rate not less than 85%, that the sect is then granted "meritocracy." The top six "meritocratic" sects within a given religion are thus recognized.

 

History of Religion

Religion was discovered in a cave in Missouri by 4 men. They separated, and each went and spread the knowledge to the four corners of the Earth, until the Flood drowned them all. After the flood, it took awhile before religion took hold again, what with all the death. Much later, Gregor H. found the original four stone tablets, edited down to two by Moses and Aaron.

In the aftermath of the destruction of the Tower of Babel, the Eastern religions took hold in the east, leading to new forms of green tea that are delicious to this day.

Most religions recognize that God lives in the mountains, and thus He most heartily blesses mining companies that strip-mine the mountain-tops right off, as they help bring God closer to us all. In Ancient Babylon one can find references to the Holy of Holies buried beneath rubble in the valleys thus filled in.

 

Size

Religion is the biggest thing to hit Earth since an asteroid killed the dinosaurs. More than 6,000 hectares, I'd say.

 

Religion Timeline

+/- Year 0: God discovers Earth.

+/-4000BC: Egyptians create the first of the 16 Religions of Earth and challenge others to join them, but they dare not, as Pharaoh is the God Isis reborn and is a terrible and ghastly sight.

1032BC: Monotheism is born in a small middle-eastern country called Judea. In the aftermath of the 32nd Dynasty of Egypt, David slays the Mighty Egyptian Goliath and the rest of the Egyptians surrender at the mouth of the Suez Canal, entering into lore.

962BC: The Buddha and Ganesh retire beneath a great Bodi Tree to discuss the unbelievers, and determine the proper impact of inflation on bond markets.

0BC/AD: Millenianism arrives in the middle-eastern country of Judea, with dire predictions.

33AD: Jesus dies; new religion founded by men in the middle-eastern country Judea.

1000AD: A darkness descends on Europe, and lightness descends in the North in summer at midnight and a certain brown-ness spreads out over the East, gray-ness in the South, some chalky red in the West, whilst in Africa a lion cub learns what it means to grow up and be King of the Jungle.

1200: Ancient ruins from Judea are discovered in America by Pope Jonathan II. This fact has been kept a secret by the famed Vatican "Kitchener Guards" for nearly a thousand years, but now you have the knowledege. And with knowledge comes great power, and responsibility. Use it wisely.

1400: Seventeen men in Italy paint portraits of seventeen noble-women, in their drawing room, whilst in China it is sweltering hot - too hot...

1500: The 16th and final religion is admitted to the 16 Religions of Earth. Never again is there to be another. Unless...

1502: War!

1504: One religion falls, another gains ascendency, books are burned, witches are staked, toothless old men prophesize the end of the world, whilst in the midst of all this, satisfied Burghers sit at home and watch The Apprentice.

1608: War continues.

1702: War!

1807: The flowering of the great age of Religion begins in Tajikistan, whilst in Greece Zeus sits atop his mountaintop, wondering where he went wrong.

1902: "The Wizard of Oz" captures a universal truth in its spectacular portait of the "Face of God".

1942: Future Pope Benedict XVI joins the Hitler Youth.

1999: Millenialism rules the world as dire predictions of doom spread across the internet like wildfire.

2000: George W. Bush elected President.

 

Exports

Mostly rubber tires, retired Pepsi and some gold.

 

 

 

This knowledge entry was written by BD with a little help from G, M, B, J, M

If you are using this for a school paper, please remember to credit the "Bob Davis Knowledge Base"

last updated February 19, 2007

Send any email corrections you may have to the "webmaster":

bob
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© 2007 Bob Davis Art