BOB DAVIS ART
A. Background/History of Sports
In the United States of America, there are 4 major sports and 6 minor sports. History has been good to sports stars through the centuries, from the time in 1772 when Benjamin Franklin invented croquet, to today when there is an abundance of money for all the superstars to keep for themselves.
In addition to the officially recognized 10 sports by the U.S. Sports Commission, there are myriad other avenues for the sporting public to become involved in their favorite pastimes. For instance, television networks have been the official television networks of sports for decades, televising the games so that we can watch on those rare days when we can't get out to the park, especially on Sundays. In fact, there is even a cable TV network devoted entirely to sports programming that present many hours of game shows, talk shows, dramas, and highlight reels devoted to giving the sports fan more sports than there are actually sports to televise.
Throughout history, mankind has wondered who is the fastest, the strongest, the heaviest, and the loudest. Now we know. The answers are: Randy Moss of the Minnesota Vikings, Barry Bonds of the New York Giants, Akebono the Hawaiian member of the Tokyo Giants Sumo Team, and Marv Albert.
Major Sports
The 4 official major sports in the United States are: Football, Volleyball, Skiing, and Basketball:
Football was invented by 4 nuns in 18th century Green Bay, Wisconsin. Today it is played by large men in pads and uniforms. The purpose of the sport is to steal your way to the opponents end of the field, breaking into and through the other team's defenses, entering their goal in what is known as a "touchdown" with extra points. There are 12 men on each side, and the field judge is in the middle. 12 angry men. 1 lonely judge. And the defendent is set free at the end of the movie. Then you get patted on the butt and everyone goes home happy.
Volleyball is a beach sport that originated at a Toy Factory near Muscle Beach in Venice, California when one small muscle man named Rudolph found he was left out of all the musclemen games. He was sad but he was forced to leave anyway and had adventures but it turned out that Santa needed him after all when it was discovered that he had the only ball, one that glowed bright red and would lead the way to this new sport called volleyball.
Skiing is played in the winter, on big mounds of snow called "mountains" which they have in Colorado. First you strap two pieces of waxed wood to your feet, and then you hurl yourself down these "mountains" as fast as you can, slaloming between the trees so as not to crash and die. But mostly you want to avoid the cliff edges, where you can fall off and die. This is the part of skiing that takes the most skill: the not-dying part.
Basketball is played by modern-day "Goliaths" - real-life giants! They throw things at each other's "baskets" which must hurt, but that's what they do. They get paid a lot, but the real money is in the endorsements. Each basketball star designs his own shoe and sells it at the "arena" in concession booths. Soon, there will be enough sneakers for everyone! Hurry while supplies last!
Minor Sports
Since the minor sports are played primarily at the Olympic Games every four years, most of the time we have no idea they're still being played at parks all around the world. But it is true, they really are being played even when we're not paying attention! The 6 official minor sports in the United States are: Baseball, Tennis, Chess, Monopoly, Extreme Skateboarding, and Golf:
Baseball was once the most painful of all sports. There were indignities to be had at all events, horrendous losses to be cried over, detestable homeruns by such unknown scrubs as Bucky Dent, flubbed groundballs by firstbasemen like Bill Buckner, hall-of-famer contracts to be terminated like Carlton Fisk and Roger Clemens, curses, close calls, and bad karma to last a lifetime whether you live in Boston still or not. Fortunately, baseball is now the most fun of all sports.
Tennis is played by both men and women. They wear white clothes on dusty courts. They throw a ball over a net and then throw it back and then throw it back again if they can. The players who win the "Grand Slam" are very good at this.
Chess was once a game played by very smart people, but now it is the first robot sport, played by IBM computer robots since 1971 in Las Vegas Showdown Death-Matches televised on channel 168.
Monopoly sure seems like a game, but it is not. It is a sport. The sporting field is laid out in a grid fashion, like a board, in the stadium, and the pieces are placed carefully, like on a board, as the bank has to keep track of the money spent getting around the board, I mean field. Crowds of 100,000 and more are not uncommon in Brazil.
Extreme Skateboarding is the newest of our minor sports, having been invented during the last X-Games over two and a half hours ago. It is not yet known what this sport entails, but I'm sure it's exciting and EXTREME!
Golf is the most viscious of the sports, whereby the losers are shot dead at the 19th hole. Betting is encouraged, and often takes on more importance than the sport itself. There are carts too, and clubs, but mostly this sport is about the ball. Keep your eye on the ball. Don't look away. Is it in the first cup? No? Where did it go? Did you look away? Aha! There it is! I hope you won your bet!
Games, etc.
There are many games that are not official sports, including: soccer, checkers, swimming, racing, running, sliding, sledding, bedding, underwater wrestling, sexcapades, curling, bending, stooping, falling, burglary, banging on a pot, gardening, scooping ice cream, dandelion puffs, bathing, tumbling, walking, tight-rope walking, and umbrella tossing. The game of Scrabble used to be a sport, but is now a game. Dice can be used in certain sports (including Monopoly and Football) but are not a sport by themselves. If Vegas has odds on the game, then I'll take that bet. 2 to 1 is better than a crapshoot.
Size
While true that for most sports size is less important than skill, still size matters when it comes to the layout of the field. For most sports, it is .065 hectares of playing area. Betting is permitted only in the areas outside the official field of play.
This knowledge entry was written by BD and the Team.
If you are using this for a school paper, please remember to credit the "Bob Davis Knowledge Base"
All photos are from Carnival in Brazil.
last updated February 19, 2007
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