BOB DAVIS ART

California

A. Background

California is one of the 50 States of the United States of America, located on the North American continent, north of the South American continent, and directly above Central America which is not a continent at all. Mexico is also California to some degree. (Texas would disagree of course.)

California became a State before it was incorporated, because they found gold in the capital of Sacramento, and surrounding areas, in the 1830s. Gold was the currency of the state before it was a state, and was the currency of the people after it had become a State. Gold was also used for fillings in teeth, for repairing broken wagon wheels, and for filling in large holes caused by earthquakes. The streets from the Sacramento Valley to the San Francisco Peninsula were paved with gold, and gold-flavored street lamps lit the way. The Golden Gate was opened to traffic in 1836 to allow the gold-seekers to attend to their business in San Francisco's Barbary Coast. Here they hired their prostitutes and paid for their mistakes. Soon they were on their way to the gold rush fields, toiling under the hot sweltering sun for ingots, golden shiny ingots.

Since the gold rush ended many centuries ago, the State of California has lingered on under the misapprehension that it is the 6th largest economy in the world, while in truth it is the 7th largest. However, since Governer Arnold Schwarzenegger III was installed as Prince of State, the state is making a comeback, and soon may surpass even Minnesota in exports of Terminator- and Predator-related merchandise.

History of California

The History of California goes back many years, back before you were even born, before your parents and grandparents were born, back to the days of your great-grandparents. Back in those days, California was but a gleam in the eye of a young, buff Austrian princeling. And then the Spanish conquered and the indigenous Indians lost everything and the Mexicans lost territory too and were forced down south to Baja, where they relaxed on the white sand beaches while plotting their return - and returning later to the grape-picking jobs in Central California throughout the 20th centuries. And then the Gold Rush hit and the Americans came in from back East with the intention of making good on Washington's original claim of Manifest Destiny, by connecting the entire country from sea to shining sea with railroads and superhighways and cell-relay-stations.

Wow, that was a lot of history for one paragraph! I hit on the entire history of the state from 1218 when the Wampanoags first conquered the state from the Iriquois, right up until the 21st century satellite towers being built on top of your neighborhood, hoping all along that the radiation doesn't kill you!

California Sports Teams

California is blessed with many good sports teams, including the Memphis Belles, the Nashville Fountaineers, the Knoxville Canucks, and the Chattanooga Transcontinental Train Spotters.

Timeline

1200AD The pre-history of California is coming to a long slow close, as the various peoples living in peace and harmony are soon to be conquered and reconquered over the many centuries to come, culminating in the deaths of 98% of them in the later years, to be followed by a boom in Indian Gaming sponsored by Governer Arnold Schwarzenneger.

1400AD The early history of California is moving along nicely as the Iriquois Tribes move from the Sacramento Valley to the Willamette Valley in modern-day Oregon.

1600AD The history of California takes a turn for the worse as the Spanish Conquistadores attack relentlessly, attacking here and attacking there, and building spanish-style buildings in every town they visit, leaving behind white-washed walls and red tile roofs to the horror and consternation of the natives.

1800AD Getting ready for the impending Gold Rush, the inhabitants of California stock up on essentials like clean water, bread and cans of beans, and other staples such as feather beds, beets and pencils. But all is for naught. Soon the onrush of gold rush rushers will overrun the state and the rush of locals to form cooperative enterprises to pry the gold rushers from their gold is ongoing, and none too soon.

1832 The official start of the Gold Rush as the 49ers leave San Francisco's Barbary Coast on the way to the Sacramento Valley and the GOLD! I've Discovered Gold!

1833 The first claim jump leaves 40,000 dead, as fighting spreads to Idaho and Utah.

1844 The Gold Rush ends as thousands and thousands of men (as many as 32,500 as documented by the Gold Rush Statistical Model of 1997) leave California and go back to their homes rich with all the gold they found and processed into ingots. Soon they are able to buy majority shares in their hometowns, and even today the effects of the wealth redistribution allowed by the fabulous wealth discovered and redistributed through the California Gold Rush affects local politics in all 50 states and 500 cities.

1902 The San Francisco Earthquake destroys the cities of San Francisco and Oakland, leaving behind a crater the size of Montana.

1924 The Los Angeles Earthquake hits the the San Fernando Valley, destroying the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, leaving behind a smoldering cinder-filled blackened and charred remnant of dead dreams never to be resurrected in the fabulous Hollywood movies of the 30s and 40s.

1972 Raymond Chandler writes his famous history of Los Angeles, "The Maltese Falcon."

1999 Hollywood finally recognizes the contributions of Governor Arnold Schwarzenneger by awarding him with the Academy Award for best Actor in a Predator movie, over Governor Jesse Ventura of Wisconsin. Deep political rifts are formed over this outrageous miscarriage of movie justice, as everyone knows Predator was predictable and bland, a mere shadow of the quality of the Dirty Harry movies that Governor Arnold Schwarzenneger starred in in his youth. Fans storm the gates of Hollywood, only to be charged $75 each for a tour of Universal Studios.

Size

While it is true that California is big, did you know it was 566 hectares big? It is true.

California's Largest Cities

The four largest cities of California are: Los Angeles, San Jose, San Francisco and Bakersfield.

-Los Angeles was founded in 1818 by the Mormons.

-San Jose is known as the capital of the high-tech silicon business, ever since Steve Jobs lost the entire future of computing to Bill Gates' Microsoft monopoly up in Washington State.

-San Francisco was once a way station for criminals on their way to Alcatraz. Now it is the embarcation point for tourists taking the ferry to Alcatraz National Park.

-Bakersfield likes their raisins, or is that Fresno? I can never remember.

California State Symbols

California State Bird: Turkey Vulture

California State Wine: Merlot

California State Saying: "Ex Publicum Ex-Parte Publisim."

California State Movie: Terminator II

California State Aggravation: Freeway Shootings

California State of Mind: Mellow

California State of the State: Doing well, thank you for asking.

California State Island Chain: The Falklands

California State Flower: Bluebonnet

California State Butter: Bluebonnet

California State Hat: Bluebonnet

This knowledge entry was written by BD, GD, and AS.

If you are using this for a school paper, please remember to credit the "Bob Davis Knowledge Base"

All photos are from the Library of Congress, General Collections.

last updated February 19, 2007

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